No Time for Fun

Video Transcript:

Wassalamu Alaikum,

There’s no time for fun — that’s what the is topic today, please share this with everybody around you because this is a really important message about parenting from a peaceful place inside.

Hi I’m Kathryn Jones, the Peaceful Parenting Coach, here to show you about this misconception that there’s no time for fun and really blowing the myth around the fact that fun is frivolous, or fun is not important. Anyway, you know the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam? He used to have fun with kids, he used to have fun with his wives, so we have evidence already to support that fun is an important part of our being.

This question came up in a session I had this morning, and it was about a sister who is worried about her daughter who seemed to be drifting away from the religion. This daughter we’re talking about is 8 years old. So it’s still young, it’s still at that age where we want to invite them to the Din — it’s not about being harsh and strict, because the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said don’t insist until the age of 10, right? So she’s 8, and she is drifting away, mum’s worried and so all the one-on-one time is spent on talking about Islam. Which, you know if we look at what we’re being told by the scholars, by everybody out there, it’s exactly what we’re meant to be doing, right? Every spare moment were meant to be teaching them about Islam.

Well, it’s true in a way, we’re meant to be teaching them by example for sure, but we can’t sacrifice fun — and I’ll tell you why. Because what was being described to me as a child that was starting to act out a bit, starting to rebel a bit, push against the whole learning about Islam — what that said to me is that this child is off-track; what that means is feeling disconnected from the adults in her life. So she’s not feeling that connection, that warm, loving connection — it doesn’t mean the adults don’t love her, of course they do. It doesn’t mean they’re not doing everything for her, of course they are — but sometimes we’re so preoccupied with what’s going on, our worries and everything, that we’re not very connecting. We’re there, but we’re not there; and I’m sure you know what I mean, especially when they’re talking to us and we’re just kind of pretending that we’re listening. They know, they’re not silly.

The point is, that the whole thing about drifting away from the religion was more likely something to do with the lack of connection with their parents than anything else. Therefore, sitting her down and telling her more about the religion is not the solution. And in fact, it could probably do more harm than good. Whereas, having fun with her, getting her to laugh, and being really relaxed and awesome and ridiculous and silly, and be the clown and have a lot of laughs together, and feel that connection, really enjoy her company, and show her how important she is, and building that connection. It might sound frivolous and it also might sound hard if you’re really stressed out and serious about things, is actually probably more key than teaching her anything about the Din in that moment. Because if she feels connected to her mum, she will be on track and her good thinking will click in, and all the stuff she already knows about Islam and about being a Muslim will all naturally be there, and she’ll naturally be on track, and she will naturally want that connection with Allah. But when she’s disconnected and when we’re feeling disconnected, we actually feel like disconnected from Allah too because there’s something going on with us.

So establishing that connection with our children first is really critical, and the best way to do it with young children, and even old children is through being fun. So if you’ve lost your fun, I challenge you to be a fun parent — maybe pick a day and be a fun parent for a day. If that works and you can manage it, try two days. If that works, we’ll go for three. You’ll be surprised how much easier going you feel and how much lighter you feel and how much easier parenting has become, just because you decided to be a fun parent instead of a strict parent for a while.

Now, I’m not saying we let them get away with murder. We don’t want to get confused that that means that we’ll let them get away with everything and we don’t set limits — of course we set limits, but in between times we’re heaps of fun. So that’s my little tip for today, is that there is always time for fun. That in fact, fun is a priority and needs to come near the top of the list when it comes to, especially to young children, but I would argue even for the older kids, even for the teenagers. Lighten that feeling in the home, build that connection, and then the connection with Allah becomes easier, and then everything else becomes easier too.

So I have a couple of minutes still, so if anyone here would like to ask a quick question about that, please go ahead. Otherwise, share this with your friends if this was something that was helpful. Comment below what you’ve taken away from it, tell me how hard it is if you want to, that’s cool, I know it is — it’s very hard being a parent and I’m here for you, I’m your ally in parenting.

Any questions, anyone here wanting to know something specific about parenting, please go ahead. Here’s you chance. So Wassalamu Alaikum Fatima! Welcome. Good to see you here. Now there is a delay so I’m going to just pause while I wait and see. Otherwise, if I’ve answered all your questions, go off and be a fun parent, go and be fun with your kids.

Okay, so it looks like there are no questions — that’s cool. If you think of one later, type it in the comments, I can come back and answer later. I hope you’ve got something beneficial from today’s video. Comment below if you have, tell me what you think, always happy to hear.

Wassalamu Alaikum,